i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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