Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
