New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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