I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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