They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
