Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't want my vagina anymore.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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