We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
