Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
