ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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