I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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