I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
