he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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