My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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