That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
