My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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