i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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