She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
