you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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