is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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