I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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