I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
