it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
