He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
