My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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