Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
