i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
