so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
