I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I bet he comes in French.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
