Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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