I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
