Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He felt like a one man threesome
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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