ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
