i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
