naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
