maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
