They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We're too hungover to prance.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize