bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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