Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
