My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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