you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
