Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize