Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize