so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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