Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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