Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
