I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
