that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
