i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
