I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
