I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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