Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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