There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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