Sry I called you an 8
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
