I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
