yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
