is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Text me some of your sweat
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
