omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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