New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
