I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We left the knife in your bed.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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