im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
