I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
