if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
