at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
