Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize