So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
