The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize