I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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