my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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