my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
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