I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
