oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
