Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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