Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
