if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
