new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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