Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry my hands just texted you
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
