On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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