I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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