If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
